The Cold Gin Times: The lawnmower man: Reality Bytes

Fuck, I love that.

If you’re around my age, that is 23 or older, and have any interest in geekery, technology, and sci-fi, you’ll undoubtedly remember the shitflick that was The Lawnmower Man. It seems a fitting place to start for this post, largely related to the news that by 2011, 50 million people will have a second ‘online’ life, whether it be in the metaverse secondlife itself, or another one of those arenas. Instead however, of a different plane of reality engulfed by the classic ‘flying, falling and fucking’ it’ll be a commerce-verse populated by 30 something males with a propensity to jack off over tentacle rape porn, read the Onion and laugh at threads on Something Awful.

Trying not to veer too far off track, whilst you’re in your secondlife, rocking about like King-ding-a-ling, not a worry in the second world, a hedonist of our times, stuck with an information feed for pleasure, you’re going to want to have the best keyboard about, and that my friends, is OPTIMUS MAXIMUS KEYBOARD.

This thing is so super bad ass it tares a hole the size of a wind sock in anyone that dare disregard it as another piece of junk, high-geek, loner, toy, crappola. At fucking 1.5k this is no toy, it’s the future of keyboards, that's right each key is actually a mini display and you can programme it to display whatever you want. I remember when this was first leaked as a photoshop image file, everyone shat gallons, now someone’s made it, just goes to show the power of the geek.

Whilst you’re sat at your desk, not content with having the Optimus, you’re gunna need a nice cool, tasty beverage to wash whatever shit you’re eating down. And now you’ve got the perfect solution, a USB powered mini-refrigerator that’ll sit right there, with your can of Pepsi Cola.

= LACK OF DEATH

Now, after a 24 hour stint in front of the computer, okay lets make it 48 hours, a secondlifer needs a sleep, actual human sleep, and what better place than a Transport pod created by Alberto Frias. This trippy-as-fuck mind monger will take you to the land of nod in no time, and I don’t mean that type of NOD. And a pinch at 10k, what better way to relax, by yourself, in real life, without another human? There is no better way.